How to Work With Relationship Triggers Without Getting Stuck in Your Head
January 20, 2026
When a relationship trigger feels like a step backward…
Relationship triggers often feel confusing and overwhelming, especially when you thought you had already worked through them.
A few weeks ago I got hit with a relationship trigger that stirred up some very old stuff. The kind where you think… wow, this is still in me? I honestly felt pulled back in time, and I noticed that familiar mix of shame and disappointment because I thought I was past this.
Overthinking as a nervous system response
My first instinct was to overanalyze it. A bit of reflection is helpful. Too much and suddenly you are in a loop. That was my sign that I needed to shift out of my mind and into my body, because underneath the thoughts there was an old pattern quickly switching on.
Dropping into the body changes everything
So I practiced pendulation. It helped me soften the loop and get curious about how the sensations moved through my body. Something shifted. Acceptance came in. The thoughts got less distracting. And each time I caught myself wanting to rationalize, replay conversations, or wish I had said something different, I used it as a cue to check my body. Sure enough, there was tension I was gripping against.
When a trigger no longer takes you down
And everyone, this was huge for me. Years ago this kind of trigger would have spiraled me. I would have dropped my routines, struggled to function, and felt totally overwhelmed. It did not happen this time. Was it hard and uncomfortable? Omigosh, absolutely. But I stayed grounded. I kept my work flowing, ate well, slept well, and stayed connected to myself. And honestly, it would have been okay if everything fell apart because sometimes that is what the body needs to move through something. But it was heartening to feel a new comfort with the uncomfortable and a new confidence in how it would move through and integrate a new pattern.
This is why somatic work matters.
This is where real change happens.
A simple practice you can try
Here is a video to guide you through it: Pendulation Relationship Video
When co-regulation makes the difference
And I will be honest. Sometimes you can do this on your own and sometimes you need co-regulation and guidance with someone who can help your nervous system settle. I can do a lot by myself, but when I am with another practitioner, the shifts are bigger. I am grateful I get to trade sessions with colleagues every week.
If you want that kind of support, you can book a session or a consult call with me. I would love to help you feel more ease in your relationships and in yourself.
You can book a consult call below:
Working with shame in the body
Now a quick note about shame, along with a small practice:
Shame often freezes the emotion that actually wants to come forward. Sometimes it is anger. Sometimes grief. Sometimes even joy. Naming it helps the freeze begin to melt away. And it helps to remember that shame is universal. You are not alone in it.
If it feels comfortable, place your hand on the part of your body where the shame or embarrassment shows up. It might feel like tension, tightness, heat, or numbness and just stay curious about it. Feel the warmth of your hand and let your intention be kindness. You might even offer yourself the words you wish someone could say. I’m here with you. You are doing so well. You get to be human. You get to be messy and say the wrong thing, it happens! You have the option to offer yourself compassion and try again. This can help soften and allow the energy and sensations to metabolize and move through you.
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Journal prompt:
What is the body sensation underneath this trigger, and what does that sensation need from me right now?
Set a timer for five minutes and let your body answer, not your mind.
Healing is easier when your nervous system does not have to do it alone.
If you are ready for support:
Book a session or consult here: https://www.nicolelarson.ca/work-with-me
You are doing so well. Truly. Be kind to yourself and others <3
