Why do i feel stuck in life?

If you’ve ever felt like you want something deeply in life… but can’t seem to move toward it, you’re not alone.

There may be nothing wrong with your motivation.

Your nervous system might simply be protecting you.

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I remember when I knew I wanted to work with people doing somatic work.

It was a long time ago.

I wanted to but I just couldn’t. I made a website, but I didn’t publish it, I took training, but I couldn’t move forward with what I wanted to do.

I literally felt frozen, this intense desire in my chest and arms to move forward and feeling almost paralyzed, like I just couldn’t move.

The more pressure I applied, the harder it was to take the next step.

I thought, “I know I want this, but why do I literally feel stuck in cement when I try to move forward?”

Maybe you want to get out there and meet new friends or go on a date but just can’t bring yourself to go to a social event or maybe you spend a lot of time swiping on a dating app but never following through with going on a date.

Another way this shows up in smaller ways would be knowing you need to make a call, or needing to write that email, or maybe just wash the dishes.

But instead, maybe you stare at your laptop. Scroll on your phone. Overthink a decision for weeks.

Sometimes we try to force it, but that can often result in a blowback when you make yourself do something your body seems to resist.

Here’s the thing:

Your life can only expand to the capacity that your nervous system can hold.

Think of your nervous system and body like a container.

In that container is stress, responsibility, visibility, relationships, risk.

When we pour in more than it can hold, the system starts to clamp down and say…

no more.

The good news is the size of that container can change. We can also develop new boundaries and drop things out of that container to make room for other life items.

So all that means is you’re just not there yet.

Why Desire and Fear Often Show Up Together

Often, desire can be coupled with fear.

Our deepest desires often hold some of our deepest fears.

So therein lies an opportunity for very deep healing.

Let’s use a work example. Maybe you deeply desire a promotion or a new opportunity at work. Perhaps it’s a position or project where more people would notice you, maybe you would be asked more questions, or need to make a presentation in front of people.

But maybe when the opportunity arises and your boss asks you if you want to take on the project you freeze… maybe feel almost a “ahh, no, I’m not ready for that!” and tell your boss to give the opportunity (that you wanted!) to someone else.

So what just happened there?

Maybe the vulnerability of being seen, having your work be seen, or being in a leadership position felt like too much right now. That feeling of “too much” is your nervous system detecting danger and beginning to shift into a protective response.

Let’s use the dating example.

Maybe you deeply desire a relationship. Let’s say you download a dating app and maybe you go to match with someone that looks fun, kind, interesting, attractive… but then they send a message and you freeze and don’t even know what to say.

You want to…but you just can’t.

Perhaps in the past opening up in a relationship left some hurt that was just too much to feel again. Maybe when you get too close to actually going out on a date with someone you feel a lot of activation… your heart races, you feel tension in your chest and jaw, and you literally feel stuck. This is the freeze (or tonic immobility) response in the nervous system.

How the Nervous System Creates the Freeze Response

Freeze shows up when your nervous system consciously or unconsiously detect perceived danger. Freeze is a protective response that kicks in so you do not move forward. It’s trying to protect you and just hasn’t learned that it is safe to move forward yet.

Your nervous system does not care about what your logical brain wants. It cares about keeping you safe.

If your system learned along the way that

Being seen
Being vulnerable
Being rejected
Being evaluated

was dangerous, or maybe resulted in feeling shame, rejection, or a relationship being threatened, then when situations appear that remind your system of those old experiences, the body might say:

“We’re not doing that.”

We see this all the time in nature.

The deer in the headlights that doesn’t move.
The possum playing dead.

It just seems impossible to move forward.

And I want to say this can be really hard and there can be a lot of shame around this because it might not seem logical that you want something and aren’t stepping towards it.

I want you to remember this isn’t your fault. You are not lazy or unmotivated. Your nervous system is working to protect you, and we need to gently work with it to begin to feel safe enough to move forward.

Another thing I like to remind people of: desire and capacity are two different things. Your capacity cannot always hold your desires.

We see this so often, people wanting something and not doing it. This is a nervous system that does not feel safe to step forward and a capacity that isn’t yet ready for something bigger in life.

BUT, capacity can change… especially through somatic work and practices.

Working with my body and incorporating Somatic Experiencing techniques in particular started to really shift my system.

I had less shutdown.

Big steps still brought in a bit of fear, but I could hold that fear until it realized I was safe in the next step and then it dissipated.

I had more ability to act.

I could identify what steps were actually manageable for me and take them.

I also had a lot of compassion for my system and the fear it held. I held the phrase and felt sense of “of course you are reacting this way! You’ve got this and I’ve got you, we will go as slow as we need to.”

What Helps When You Feel Stuck

So what actually helps when you feel stuck?

Once you start understanding that stuckness is a nervous system response, the next question naturally becomes:

Okay… so what do I do about it?

The answer is usually not forcing yourself harder.

In somatic work, we begin by slowly helping the nervous system experience more safety, support, and capacity. From there, movement forward starts to happen more naturally.

Here are a few gentle ways you can start working with stuckness.

1. Build Resources in Your Nervous System

One of the first things we do in somatic work is resource the nervous system.

That means bringing more experiences of safety, comfort, and enjoyment into your body.

These might seem small or a step you might want to skip (I know I used to feel that way!), but they matter more than most people realize.

Sometimes resourcing looks like talking with a safe friend, spending time with animals, watching something you love, or eating a really nourishing meal. It might be a warm shower, a bath, gentle movement, or wrapping yourself in a blanket and listening to music.

In simple terms, it’s anything healthy that helps your body feel a little more settled, supported, or safe.

These moments tell your nervous system: we are safe right now.

And the more safety your system experiences, the more capacity it begins to build.

2. Nurture Your Current Capacity

Many of us focus so much on what we haven’t done yet that we completely miss what we are already capable of.

Part of expanding your nervous system capacity is learning to notice and savour what is already working.

Notice what feels good today. Notice what you were able to do today. Notice what feels supportive or beautiful around you.

Your system learns from these moments.

Sometimes when people start doing this, another part quickly jumps in and says something like:

“Yes, but I should be doing more.”

That part makes sense too. It probably really wants growth.

When that happens, you can simply acknowledge that part, thank it for wanting more for your life, and then gently bring your attention back to what already feels good.

3. Bring Compassion to the Parts of You That Feel Stuck

Nothing sends the nervous system into freeze faster than judgment and pressure.

And if you've been hard on yourself about feeling stuck… that makes sense too. Most of us were taught that pushing harder is the way forward.

But your nervous system responds much better to compassion than pressure.

Sometimes a simple practice can be placing a hand on your heart, your shoulder, or anywhere that feels supportive and speaking to yourself the way you would speak to a good friend.

That might sound like

“It makes sense you feel this way.”
“You’re doing your best.”
“I’ve got you. We’ll go slowly.”

Then pause and notice what happens in your body when you hear those words. If it’s pleasant, stay with it and savour it.

4. Take the Smallest Step You Can Imagine

When the nervous system is in freeze, large steps can feel overwhelming.

So, instead of trying to leap forward, we work with very small steps.

If traveling feels scary, maybe the first step is simply imagining a trip you would enjoy.

Maybe the next step is packing a bag.

Maybe after that it’s a small day trip nearby.

Each step allows your nervous system to experience the next layer of safety before moving further.

You don’t have to rush. In fact, going slowly often creates much more lasting change.

I’ll say it again and again:

Slow is smooth and smooth is fast.

5. Support Yourself While Taking Steps

You don’t have to do challenging things alone.

Sometimes steps feel easier when you bring a bit more support with you.

That might mean bringing a friend along, calling someone before or after something challenging, wearing clothes that feel comfortable, or choosing a time of day when your energy is better.

These small adjustments can make a surprisingly big difference to how safe your system feels.

6. Work Directly With Your Body

Because stuckness is happening in your physiology, working with the body can be incredibly helpful.

Somatic practices gently help the nervous system come out of freeze and build more capacity.

This might look like orienting to your environment (learn how to do that here), taking slow breaths, going for gentle walks, or spending a few minutes noticing sensations in your body without judgment.

If you want somewhere simple to start, I created a free 7-day somatic course that walks you through some foundational practices that help settle the nervous system and begin building capacity. You can explore that here.

7. Sometimes It Helps to Have Professional Support

While a lot of this work can absolutely be done on your own, many people find it much easier to shift stuck patterns with the support of someone trained to work with the nervous system.

Somatic practitioners are trained to help the body move out of freeze slowly and safely, building capacity along the way.

One of the things I personally love about this work is that it doesn’t force change. Instead, we gently help the nervous system discover that it can move again.

Even as a practitioner myself, I still do my own somatic work with another trained practitioner. Having someone there to help track what’s happening in the body can allow deeper shifts to happen with much more ease.

If you’re curious about exploring this kind of work with support, you can learn more about working with me here.

Final Thoughts

So, I’m curious…

Where in your life do you feel stuck right now?

What if that stuckness isn’t failure but actually a nervous system pattern trying to protect you?

What if your nervous system is asking for more safety and understanding before you take the next step?

If the understanding isn’t here yet, that is okay. It can develop by practicing more curiosity and working with the body. In the meantime, I will hold the understanding of your system for you. I know it’s been working hard and trust it has a very good reason to hold back before it begins to mobilize forward.

Feeling stuck does not mean you are bad, lazy, or unmotivated.

There was a time when I couldn’t push publish on my website.

There was a time I couldn’t sign up for a course that I really wanted to attend.

And if we go way back…

There was a time it was scary for me to even leave the house.

None of those things are issues for me anymore.

I love getting out and trying new things and meeting new people. I love putting work out on my website and sending emails to my subscribers.

Change happens when we begin listening to the body, going slowly, and giving it what it needs through smaller steps.

Know that your body is always doing its best to support you, so let’s support it in realizing that it is safe now.

It can relax.

Change happens. Sometimes more slowly than we want… but it does happen.